I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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