Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
