So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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