Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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