I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
