And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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