Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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