What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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