even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
