After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
