The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
