I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
