So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
