Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
