yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
