3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
