I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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