I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
