I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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