i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
