my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
