Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
