Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
