i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize