I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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