I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
