Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
