He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
