I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
