I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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