I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
