3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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