I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
