eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
