I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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