Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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