Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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