Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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