was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
