we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Congratulations! We have a period
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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