I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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