is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
