wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize