you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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