Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
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As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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