Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
