come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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