We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
