That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
