I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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