If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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