I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
