I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
