Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
