is your mom at the bar?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to calm my uterus...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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