Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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