pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
