Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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