I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the condom got lost in my hair
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
