Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
