lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
