there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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