So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
