im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
