what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
