for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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