Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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