He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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