There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
