Your dad touched me again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
