i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
