The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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