Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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